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Friday, December 10, 2010

Whats in your Walmart

First off I want to say, I have nothing against Walmart. There are no Walmart people pictures on here. This is merely an observation of last nights little trip de jur.

I'm not a big fan of shopping. I'm cool with grocery shopping, Home Depot, Rei, or any other Sport related store. I have died and went to heaven walking in bike shops. Walmart ranks right down at the bottom of the list, filed under " really, I don't want to be here".
This being said, my wife butters me up and bribes me to go with her.
And thus, because Ive my new mantra that everything can be fun and adventure, I didn't hesitate when she asked.
I knew it caught her off guard, but it did prompt her to comment on the trip there that she " really likes where are life is right now, and things are really looking good".

Now, I would love to take credit for this universe shift, but I can't. Sure I'm part of it, but truth is, we've just had to make some real tough decisions over the last year or so and weathered a vicious storm like a couple should. It appears we are coming out of the weather and into the blue sky path. " life happens".
o.k., further onto this Wally world trip.

First thing in the parking lot there is some angry thug wanna be yelling at this lady to back up. He was literally yelling at her to "Move you F- ing  wh0re" ! WTF, are you kidding me ? Just another one of So Cal's finer MMA wanna be tough guy's I'm sure. He misses her car by what I'm sure was a fraction of an inch and passes by to say it again.
Now he's coming by me at this point. I have my window down and I'm sure my jaw was hanging to the ground. Before I could figure out what was the right thing to do, he's yelling at me ! " what are you looking at bitch".
At that point I looked at my wife and we laughed out loud to each other. She said to me "what are you laughing at you wh0re ?". I replied, not much "bitch". And so we went on to park and that was are little joke for the next 15 minutes as we entered and started walking around the twilight zone, better known as Walmart.
This was one angry guy, and I always try and give people the benefit of the doubt that they are having a rough go of it. But this guy was over the top. And I have little patience for white trash ignorance that think they are tuff guys.
Anyways,adventure underway. Now we are in there. My goal is to be as helpful as possible, picking clear routes and lines through out the store. I am going to make this a T1 stop and it will be efficient.
Oh crap, she has to return some slippers, this is going to be a nightmare. WTF, not one person in line ! I don't think I have ever even seen this on a Wednesday mid morning, let alone a Thursday at 6:30 P.M. 14 days before Christmas. This rocks ! OH, WAIT A MINUTE, there are 3 off Huntington Beaches finest
:-(, grilling some guy in a chair, right in the middle of the entrance to the store. It appears, by way of non shalont eves dropping, that he had a host of cards, that may or may not of been his.
Quick side note: HB's finest do everything over the top. Hence 3 cops for one small, Rollie polli Asian man.
That was Walmart treasure number two. And we have just been here mere minutes. What a place !

I keep my wife focused and motivated, to get what she came for and not get too far off track. This is hard for my wife when it comes to shopping. (ANYWHERE). Jus saying.
She's doing good, getting what she needs, with a couple of random things in there. Whatever, we are breaking a PR at this point in my mind.
Now Its off to the check out debacle. We get blessed with a semi short line (Walmart standards) of 4 people deep. When low and behold we get the creme of the crop Walmart customer to saddle up behind us.
She has to get that cart within an inch of ours,as if we are trying to cross the Mexico border on a Sunday afternoon.
Kids pissed about something and whining like no tomorrow about some snack or something they bought, she has opened and consumed half of. On top of that the kid had crapped there pants, and it was pretty ripe. Now being a parent, I get it. Kids poop, animals poop, I poop ! But if I'm in a store, 20 feet away from a restroom, and I or my kid has shite there selves, we are taking a moment to get out of line and make this right. SAVVY !
Not so much with her. She just meandered around, looking at all the neat tricks and trinkets at the check out area as I was doing everything I could do not to vomit. New mission T2 HAD TO BE FAST.
This was Walmart gift # 3. Thank you for that.

Heading to the Walmart grand finally we go. There is one guy, let's say kid. If he 18 I would be shocked. Literally checking off every single item in every single customers cart. Again WTF? He had em backed up no less than 12 people deep, waiting to leave our beloved Walmart adventure. All the while there had to be more than a handful of us saying to ourselves " please hurry, shitty britches is following us".
Finally he gets a shout out from one of his co workers that it is o.k. that he doesn't check off every item. I thought, sweet, some common sense showed up.
But we are in Walmart and he was having non of it.
As he literally yelled back in front of all the customers. " THIS IS WHAT I WAS TOLD TO DO" ! then mumbles, "jeez bitch" !

My wife and I could do nothing more than look at one another and shake our heads. What a treat this had been. I can't wait to get to come back.

So whats in your Walmart?   

Thursday a.m. training   7 mile run in awesome foggy, but soothing conditions. Steady at just under 10 minute miles. Very rewarding  feeling of living today.              


  1. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahahah!
    OMG thats hilarious - I swear you went to the one down the street from us! hah
    What's in our walmart? - A McDonalds, yes fine dining but this was BEFORE Triathlon, and I take the wife there as a joke. I know WALMART Mcdonalds, nothing but the best for her - hah! Anyhow, she orders a McChicken Burger. Get back to our table, open the box and SOMEONE HAD ALREADY TAKEN A BITE OF IT. Apparently it was bitten and returned by someone for whatever reason, was put on the heating tray and re-served to my wife.

  2. Wow that sounds like Wally world to me!! HAHA! I hate it there..